“What’s your sign?” “ Is it hot in here, or is it just you?” “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” These are some cringey pickup lines for sure, but when you’re trying to figure out the first thing to say to a woman you’re interested in, you’re probably hard-pressed to do much better.
Now as a woman, I get how hard it can be to pick up women…How are you supposed to know what we want when we don’t even know half the time? You don’t know what to say, you have no idea how we’ll react, you’re afraid of rejection…with all this swirling around in your head, it’s no wonder you’re looking for a little help.
So read this guide to learn some tried and true methods that increase your chances of starting a conversation, and maybe even getting lucky. I’ll give you a bunch of options so you can choose the pick-up lines you feel comfortable with.
First off, let’s set the table. Are you going for The Daytime or The Nighttime Approach?
Now I know we usually imagine pickup lines delivered in a smoky nightclub at 2 in the morning when you’ve worked up enough liquid courage and feel like she’s desperate enough to say yes. But daytime is a great time to pick up a woman and here’s why.
First, there’s less competition. You go to a club and there are at least 50 guys there that want to get laid. You’re up against guys that might be richer or better looking. You may not even get a window to say hi.
A woman in a grocery store or coffee shop during the day is a lot easier to approach. You don’t have to compete with other guys for her attention. If you catch her at the right time, she might give you a chance.
Daytime pickups are also less obvious. When a woman is out at a club and a guy approaches her, she immediately knows they are trying to pick her up. She will probably judge you before you even open your mouth.
If you approach a woman in a daytime setting, she won’t judge you right away. She’ll give you a chance to talk to her and charm her. You’ll increase your odds of winning her over.
Of course, nightclubs have their advantages. Women feel more relaxed so they are more open to a pickup. They are also more likely to be ‘on the prowl’ and so they’ll be more receptive to guys who approach them.
Just remember that daytime provides an unconventional approach that should be considered as well.
Also, think about what you want in a relationship. If you like party girls, clubs are where to find them. If you like intellectuals, go to the bookstore.
Picking the Pickup
So you have your eyes on a hot woman. You want to talk to her, but what do you say? Do you fall back on cheesy pickup lines or try to make inane conversation? The answer- neither.
Here are a few approaches that work.
The first is a direction question. For example, you might ask, “Where is the nearest coffee shop?” or “Where is the nearest gas station?”
This approach probably won’t work in a club unless you ask her where the bathroom is – and that’s a little awkward.
Anyway, the direct question is a good approach because it opens the conversation. You can start asking her questions about herself like if she’s from around the area and what she’s doing in the neighborhood. Don’t get too specific by asking her where she lives- that will set off the creep alarm.
Then there’s the compliment, but you need to be careful about the compliment you use. If you approach a woman you never met before and say, “You’re really hot,” you’re going to seem creepy and unoriginal. You’re just another guy hitting on her.
The best compliments to use are ones that show you see something special in her. Like you can say, “You have a unique eye color. What would you call that color blue?” Or compliment what she’s wearing.
If you can’t think of something original, “You are absolutely gorgeous,” is always a good standby. Women are usually flattered when men notice their good looks.
Another approach is the observation question. It involves observing anything around you and commenting on it to start the conversation.
For example, if you’re in a coffee shop, you can talk about what she’s drinking. “Is that a vanilla latte? Hey, that’s my favorite too! Do you take yours with milk or cream?”
If you notice she has a book nearby, you can ask her what her book is about. If you have read the book or author before, start with that. It’s an even better conversation starter.
The pick-up lines I like the most are what I call “silly starters”. Ask a woman something like, “What superpower would you most like to have?” or “If you had to choose your theme song, what would it be?”
Silly starters are good because they make you stand out. They show your wit and sense of humor. They get women to open up and talk about themselves.
A silly starter approach is better for night than daytime. If you go up to a woman with a silly starter during the day, she may think you’re crazy. But try it at night when she’s loosened up and you’ll increase your chances of getting a positive response.
Silly is a good starting point, but balance is key. Get too silly and the woman will think of you as a fun friend. That’s right- you will be in the dreaded FRIEND ZONE. You need to be fun and sexy, so she’ll see you as a sexual option.
Make a dirty joke without crossing the line. Or be witty without being silly. These techniques will get you where you want to go.
A fifth approach is to ask her opinion. Say you step in line at a coffee shop and find yourself behind an attractive woman. You can ask her what drink she likes to order or which pastries are her favorite. Keep the conversation going by finding out why she likes that drink or if she thinks the coffee is any good.
Do Pick Up Lines Ever Work?
So what about those cheesy pickup lines that your dad probably used in the 80s? Do they still work?
Surprisingly, a 2021 Tinder study shows 86% of people still respond to pick-up lines. But you have to be careful about what pickup lines you use and how you deliver them.
So which pickup lines work the best? According to the poll, 77% of people liked cheesy or corny pickup lines. “I’d say God bless you, but it looks like he already did,” came in the top with a whopping 80.4% response rate.
71% liked romantic pickup lines. “You don’t know how many swipes it took to finally find you,” got a 70.6% response rate.
Funny came in at 62%. “I think I’ve seen you before. You look a lot like my next girlfriend,” was a favorite.
Straightforward pickup lines were preferred by 56%. Dirty and gross pickup lines got the lowest score at just 34%. “If I were a booger, I’d pick you first,” and “Let’s have a who’s better in bed contest. I’m hoping to be a sore loser,” were both miserable failures. Nasty.
If you’re going to use a pickup line, delivery is everything. Regardless of the line you use, you have to show a sense of humor. If you try to play it off like you’re 100% serious, you’re going to lack authenticity. The girl won’t take you seriously. Never use a pickup line if you’re not sure that you can pull it off.
How to Respond to Girls Who Talk to You First
Now let’s say the strangest thing happens and a girl starts talking to you first. A lot of guys will trip up. They won’t know what to say. The girl will take it as a sign that you’re not interested and walk away.
If you try to continue the conversation later, you may find you’ve missed your shot.
It’s hard to get social when you’re not in social mode. But the idea is to continue the conversation as if you were initiating the pickup. For example, if she comes up to you in a clothing store and compliments a shirt you’re looking at, you can ask her to help you pick out a pair of pants to go with it.
The goal here is to respond with something that will keep the conversation going. Like if you say, “Oh yeah, do you like this shirt better than that one?” she will just say yes, and that’s it, game over.
If you ask her to help you find a pair of pants to go with the shirt, you’ve engaged her in an activity that gives you a chance to get to know her.
Other Pick-Up Tips
Here are some other things to keep in mind when you’re picking up a girl.
First of all, it’s not only about what you say. It’s about how you deliver the line. Maintain eye contact, concentrate on your tone of voice, and use your body language. Stay relaxed and keep your voice even. You may even try dropping your voice tone down a notch. That drives women wild.
Next, you’ve probably heard people tell you “Just be yourself” so many times it makes you want to puke. And honestly, it doesn’t always work. If you’re not having luck with girls and you know someone who is, take a few pointers. Go out to a club with them and watch how they operate.
But here’s the thing, you don’t want to be exactly like your friends. You have to decide what works for you and what doesn’t. Learn from your friends, don’t copy them.
It’s also important to target the right women. If you see a woman talking to her friends and she looks distracted, she’s probably on the hunt – and you could be the prey. Go ahead and walk over. Now’s your chance.
And don’t try to hit up a girl who’s on the dance floor at a club or reading a book at a coffee shop. You may end up annoying her. Wait til she takes a break, then approach her.
Going Beyond the Pickup
So you hit the woman with a pickup line and things are going well. What’s the next step?
One thing you need to do is what I call “moving together.” If you’re in a coffee shop, ask her if she’ll sit with you. If you’re in a club, ask her if she’ll move away from the bar to a table. If things are going well, you can ask her to go to another bar or even to your apartment.
The truth is it doesn’t really matter where you go…When you move together, a strange thing happens. It’s like you become a unit…you’re on a journey together, even if it’s just across the room, and this creates a bond.
A lot of guys don’t ask a girl to move with them because they are afraid they will say no. But if a girl agrees to move with you, it shows she takes you seriously. It separates girls who are actually interested from girls who are just being polite and this keeps you from wasting your time.
Whatever happens, you need to quickly take the conversation to a deeper level. If you keep things superficial, the woman won’t feel connected to you. The conversation will peter out and you won’t know how to keep it going.
For example, if you take the silly starter approach and ask her what dead celebrity she would like to have dinner with, that’s a perfect way to find out more about her taste in movies, music, or TV shows. You can discuss favorite genres and personal tastes, and who knows where the conversation will lead.
But if you keep talking about the celebrity, the conversation won’t go anywhere. She’ll get bored and end things and you won’t have had a chance to make a connection. So use the information she’s giving you to branch off into other topics.
In any case, the conversation will eventually come to an end, and when it does, wrap things up smoothly so you don’t come across as needy or clingy. Ask for her phone number or offer to give her yours.
If she refuses, don’t get angry or upset. Smile, tell her it’s been nice and get out of there. If you show you are confident and have control over your emotions, she just might think of you as the one who got away.
