Thanks to online dating, texting is a big part of starting relationships. But texting and dating is tricky. A lot of guys don’t know what to say, when to say it, and how to respond when women message them.
This is The Attraction Corner and I’m Daisy Hall, your dating and relationship expert. When it comes to texting stories between men and women, I’ve heard them all. In this video, I’m going to give you a bunch of texting scenarios so you know exactly when and what to text. And if you like what you hear, don’t forget to like, comment, share, and subscribe to the channel.
The Wait
How long should you wait to text her? You may have heard about the two-day rule, or the three-day rule. Throw these in the trash.
If you met a girl and things went well, text her the next day. If she’s interested and attracted, strike while the iron is hot. If you wait too long, she will lose interest or even forget about you. If a woman thinks that you’re rude or playing games then she’s going to dip out and find someone else.
Your timing will also depend on where you are in your relationship and how you feel about each other. For example, if you went on your first date and you feel super-comfortable with a girl and the sparks are flying, you can text her as soon as you get home or the next day to say something like, “That was a lot of fun, let’s do it again some time.” Then wait a couple of days to make specific plans.
If you’re not sure how things went, you might want to wait 2-3 days to see if she texts you first. If you don’t hear from her and still want to try your luck, then text her to set up another date.
Developing a Texting Rapport
Texting is a good way to stay in touch with a girl, but don’t just say hi… You need to think of something that will keep the conversation going. Here are some fun conversation starters:
· “What’s your favorite sandwich?”
· “So, have you murdered your boss yet?”
· “My cat was doing the strangest thing this morning…”
· “I’m wearing an orange tie and a pink shirt and now I’m pretty convinced they don’t match…”
These questions show charm and wit and are likely to get her talking. If you are only getting one-word responses, encourage her to open up about herself. Ask her what a typical day is like for her or what she eats for breakfast. Focus on her interests to make the conversation more lively.
Be Direct When Making Plans
Texts are great for making plans but be specific.
Something like “do you want to go for coffee sometime?” doesn’t feel serious and can be easy to blow off. The girl can just say “sure” assuming you will never follow up. She may also think you’re not serious.
A casual approach is a good opener but be prepared to go from there.
If she seems interested in your coffee date, follow up with, “Cool, when’s a good time for you?” Then suggest a spot that’s convenient and has a fun or cool vibe.
Marriage and family therapist Venessa Marin calls making indefinite plans the ‘secretary problem.’
She says, “Make specific plans. It’s easy to make a vague commitment via text like, ‘Let’s talk Friday about doing something this weekend’. If you’re genuinely interested in the person, suggest a specific day and time for your date.”
This is important because it avoids potential miscommunications which can hurt attraction. Making plans is boring so you want to do it in a way that’s direct and specific so that you can get back to flirting and building that connection.
Leading Up To The Date
So now you’ve made a date. Do you keep texting her before the date? If you text too much, will you kill the date conversation? If you don’t text will she forget about the date or assume it’s canceled?
It’s true that a lot of pre-date texting can kill the flame. It can make you overthink the date and lead to premature escalation. Christine Hassler, author of 20-Something, 20-Everything, says, ”It’s like you’re on your second date in terms of info but your first date in terms of physical chemistry, which can make things awkward.”
Emily Morse, host of the Sex with Emily podcast says, “Since our whole world is so instant now, people can craft entire personas through their slew of texts… by the time you meet your partner for an actual date, you’ve built up this whole image and fantasy in your head of who you think they are, and then they turn out to be totally different.”
It’s easy to make yourself a different person in your texts, so try not to do that, especially with girls you’ve just started dating.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t communicate with a girl before a date. A few flirty texts will let her know you’re thinking about her… It will show her that you’re interested and aren’t going to bail.
Good Grammar Goes a Long Way
Grammar, who really cares about it anyway? More people than you think!
Some guys don’t have great grammar. Others may intentionally use bad grammar to make a woman think they’re more ‘street’ than they really are. Meanwhile, she’s thinking, wow, this guy is a moron!
Play it safe and use good grammar from the beginning. Rely on autocorrect and reread your texts before you send them to make sure you don’t sound like an idiot.
A limited amount of “chatspeak” is okay, but avoid using an entire sentence of chatspeak. For example, if you shoot a sentence like, ‘fyi, nvm last txt. I’ll lyk if I can meet l8r.” This is cringe.
Plus, she might not understand what you’re saying. Clarity is most important early on.
Also, be careful of how you use punctuation. For example, you could write, “I’m fine!” which seems cheery to you, but to her, may come off as aggressive, so just be aware. And try not to end your messages with a period. People do not like that.
Texting Tempo
Now let’s get into texting tempo. A lot of guys believe that you shouldn’t respond to a woman’s text right away because they will seem overeager or desperate. So how long do you wait? A day? An hour? A week?
I say a lot of guys overthink this. Sure, you can wait a few minutes to respond, but wait too long and she may just think you’re rude. Remember, most people can tell whether you’ve seen a message. Don’t leave her on read.
If you are stuck trying to figure out how often to text and how long to wait before responding, take her lead. Look at her texting patterns and try to copy them.
Don’t Get Lost In Translation
In this age of technology, it’s easy for things to get lost in translation. If a girl doesn’t know that you are teasing or flirting, she may take it the wrong way. It could be the death knell for your relationship.
Light flirting is okay, but keep it sweet. Don’t get too dirty too quickly.
Avoid calling girls a pet name or nickname early in the relationship. Don’t call her babe or write “Hey gorgeous”. She may get offended. Or worse yet, she may think you forget her name.
Jokes can also go over like a lead balloon. If you want to be funny, refer to something that both of you have talked about before. Like if you know she hates her boss, you can make a work-related joke. If you’re not sure how a joke is going to go over, don’t send it.
Emojis and chatspeak can also help. Like if you send a joke along with a laughing emoji or write lol or jk, she will know you’re not serious. But don’t use emojis too much, they can get annoying.
Put Down The Phone
So you’re texting with a girl and it’s not going anywhere. It may not necessarily mean she’s not interested. It could just be because she’s bad at texting or has nothing to say.
Just like any other conversation, you have to know when to call it quits. If you keep trying to revive it, it will go downhill. Worse yet, you will seem needy and clingy.
Just text something like, “All right, I’m gonna let you go,” and hint that you’ll try her again another time.
Situations like this will prepare you for the next time you text. You can think up conversation starters that will keep the conversation from going stale.
Handling the Non-Response
Undoubtedly the biggest source of texting-related anxiety is the non-response. What do you do? What do you say? How long do you wait for them to get back to you? Was it something you said?
A non-response to a text is not necessarily the end of the world. There are lots of reasons a girl may not text back. It may have been an equipment failure. Or maybe she may have seen your text at a time when she couldn’t respond and forgot about it.
So definitely follow up after a non-response. Some say to quit after the second time. Others say to give it a third shot. It really depends on how you feel.
For example, if you had a great date with a girl and now she’s not responding, it’s safe to play the “maybe something happened” card. But if she seemed like she wasn’t that into you and now she’s not responding, give it a rest after a couple tries.
Also, be careful about the tone you use when you send follow-up texts. Don’t get mad and confrontational because she’s not getting back to you.
And never make up reasons in your head about why she’s not getting back to you and try to address them. Like don’t decide that she’s mad about something you said on the last date and try to apologize. That will open a can of worms.
Just be breezy and casual about it. Like you can say something like, “Sounds good, haha, well if you’re up for a movie, let me know.” Or just continue as if you are communicating with her in any other situation. Like you can type, “Going off to dreaded work. Hope all is well.”
You can also always try to phone her. Maybe her texts aren’t going through.
Know the Best Time to Text
If you text a girl when she’s busy, she may not get back to you right away. She may also think you are annoying her.
It’s hard to know a girl’s schedule if you just met, but you can make a few assumptions. For example, if you know she has a day job, evenings are probably the best time for her to chat.
Phone Calls are Not the Enemy
Texting is popular for a reason. It’s casual. You can go at your own pace in terms of when to send a text and when to answer. But you should pick up the phone every once in a while.
Phone conversations help forge a connection. She will feel closer to you. You will also have more control over how you communicate to avoid things getting lost in translation.
A phone conversation can substitute as a kind of virtual date early in the relationship. It’s a good way to get to know each other if you don’t have time to meet up. When you get closer, you can decide if you prefer texting or calling, but an occasional phone call is always recommended.
Well, that’s all I have for you today. Don’t forget to like, comment, share, and subscribe to the channel. I’m Daisy Hall and good luck with your dating communication.
